I have been feeling so mixed up lately. I will a good day and then some bad days. The last couple of days have been sort of depressing but I think being sick, then the rain and all this stress from retaking finals from over a year ago has got me feeling this way. I am very angry lately but it is not destructive anger. It is more like just being angry at how life can just turn upside down and topsy turvy in a second.
The good news is that we are still moving forward. Kevin is doing great in speech and school. Averi has pulled her math grade up and she doesn't have as many melt downs as she used to. She is more worried about making sure I am ok right now. I thank God for her because she has such a kind heart. Kevin is so sweet like Randy. He will just grab my hand and hols it for no reason. Randy used to hold my hand while we watched tv or were driving down the road. Sometimes I feel maybe Randy is reaching out thru the kids. He was such a sweet man.
But the kids are happy overall and I think that comes from Randy and I always putting them first and spending time with them. I just miss so many things about Randy and our life together. I don't think I will ever be as happy as I was when he was here on earth. Life will never be the same.