Tuesday, April 21, 2009


When Randy passed away, I looked out his window so full of shock and sadness. All I could do was pray that he had made his way into our Father's kingdom and was at peace at last. Then when I looked up, I saw sunbeams coming out of the clouds and they were so radiant and glorious that I couldn't help but feel as if I was being sent a message that Randy was okay and that I was going to be okay as well. From time to time, when it is real cloudy and the storms pass I go outside and look up and I may happen to see a sunbeam and then again I may not.

The last time we went to the upstate, the kids and I went with Kellie to take Marlie back to campus and I was feeling so depressed and missing Randy so much. We were riding thru the most beautiful country and as I was looking out my window, I saw sunbeams. Maybe people thinkI am reading too much into this but I had the feeling that Randy had asked God to send down some sunbeams my way to comfort me. Randy and I had a conversation some weeks before he passed. He told me that he was not going to beat the cancer he had. My husband always protected me, always comforted me, always was my support system. I asked him that if that was God's plans if he thought that maybe from time to time, he could somehow comfort me when things got so unbearable. His reply was that he could try and he didn't see why God wouldn't provide that for me. You see, I have never hurt like this before. Even when my mother passed from her cancer, I hurt but not like this. This hurt goes to the very core of me and sometimes I feel like it will never get better. It is during those moments that I see those sunbeams and I know my husband is still with me in a way comforting me and loving and giving me the strength to be there for our children. So whoever reads this that knew Randy, I hope when you see a sunbeam that you are comforted and that you know that he loves you still.

No comments:

Post a Comment