Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Summer so far

It is summer. We are starting to become more adjusted to the way life is going to be without Randy. I am in my 4th week of school. Clinicals started out well and hopefully will continue that way. I had a tough time this past weekend because we celebrated the kids birthdays this past Saturday yet the absence of Randy was very strong for me. It was very emotional for me and for Averi too. She had been missing him all week to the point to where she just wanted to sleep all the time. Last week was just exhausting and this weekend wasn't any better. But I was very thankful for my good friends especially the ones who keep me going thruout the week. I have all the responsibilities now with no one to help me divide them so it has taken a lot of adjustment and organization and coffee but we are gettting there!

I pray that God gives me the strength to get the next year. It is going to be hard financially, emotionally and physically but if this is in His plan, then it will be. I used to struggle with trusting people but the only one I need to trust is the Lord. Everything else will fall in place for me and Averi and Kevin.

I just miss Randy. I miss him more than I ever thought I could miss a person. I go to sleep at night and I dream about him constantly. I don't want to wake up because I feel like it is reliving losing him all over again. But if I didn't dream about him, it would be awful. It is like the dreams are comforting yet painful at that same time. And we do everyday things together. We are riding in the car in one. Sitting together on the couch watching tv in another. We are laughing and joking at other times.

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